you get the life you deserve face your fears you know what you need to do conquer you're down there we go transform your life I'm tired of doing it well you're not alone here wake me with my five second rule– today [Applause] all right what do you say we get this party started all right I'm Mel Robbins and today is day one of the Mel Robbins show something that you're gonna learn about me as I love a quote because it's like free therapy on a sticky note and the very first quote I've picked has deep meaning to me you are one decision away from a totally different life my entire life's purpose has been to help people for my early days as an attorney working for legal aid in New York City and fighting for people who were forgotten to the past decade as a life coach helping millions of women around the world tackle the problems they feel on a daily basis I came up with a transformational tool to change people's lives I call it the five-second rule it's a simple and powerful way to take control of your life it launches you from in action to action counting backwards it's simple five four three two one and boom you're in action it's a countdown that changed my life and millions of people's lives just like me now I want to help you get closer to living the life you deserve we're all just one decision away from something that can change our lives forever what's yours now no matter where you are in your life whether you're facing financial issues loss of a job problems in your relationship none of that is who you are it's what you do about it that matters and that's why I am so humbled to have this show we're together we can solve life's problems one step at a time and it begins with one decision to change I should know it happened to me here's my story it was 2008 I was 41 years old the recession hit and I found myself unemployed and I was on the brink of losing everything my husband had a restaurant business and it was failing before our eyes we had poured our life savings into this business our credit cards were maxed out the home equity line was gone we had liquidated the college funds we were eight hundred thousand dollars in debt it was absolutely terrifying I felt so ashamed and I also felt paralyzed one night I was about to turn off the TV and all of a sudden this rocket ship launched across the television screen and I could hear in the background the countdown to the launch 5 4 3 2 1 and then I watched that shuttle liftoff and something clicked I thought oh my gosh that's the answer to changing my life tomorrow morning when that alarm goes off you're gonna launch yourself out of bed Mel you're gonna move so fast that you're gonna move before the anxiety the self-doubt and the fear creep in that was the moment that changed my life the very next morning the alarm went off and I could feel the anxiety and the overwhelm and the fear start to rush in like it had for months and I just started counting five four three two one and boom all of a sudden I was standing up and in five seconds I had won a battle for the first time with my anxiety and my fear and I had also beaten my pattern of hidden snooze button I literally used the five-second rule for everything five four three two one to pick up the phone and start looking for a job start exercising and take care of myself and slowly but surely my entire life changed the five-second rule helped me stop thinking about what I needed to do and it gave me the courage to get it done [Applause] one decision away from a different life your whole life comes down to a five-second window and that's what we're gonna talk about right now this five-second window that keeps you stuck so Stacy yes I'm gonna start with you thank you for being here now I just have to say to you I've always believed in my heart that there is something I'm made for something in this world I believe it in my heart I just don't know I always believe in God's timing and signs and I'm well this is a sign I know he's done so what has me stuck is years ago I started off as a dental assistant and I became a dental hygienist what happened 13 years later here we are and I was recently let go let go you know I couldn't see when you said let go your voice dropped and I'm gonna tell you something about women and what happens to us when we get fired there's something about guys I don't know what it is when men get fired they kind of go screw that job yes yes and when women get fired based on the research we go so they drop with me yes yes so here's the thing I need to ask you yeah what's got you emotionally okay so I lost I have been through great loss and what just when I started my family three young dynamic beautiful daughters I lost my mom my mother-in-law my dad so you've had like everything is gonna wreck a lot of devastation and grief I get that you've got a lot on your plate right now yeah you're stuck right now because you've experienced a lot of loss in your life personally and because you got laid off from a job that you had had for 13 years yeah and now you feel paralyzed yes in taking any step forward and looking for that next thing yes okay that is something that a lot of people can relate to I hear a lot of sniffing going on here so I think that that means that I see this window and what happens and this is what we're gonna be talking about throughout the show today is that you can have a lot of bad things happen to you and that's what life does sometimes yeah but this is a show and the five-second rule is a tool that's about what you do next and so how are you stuck just like Cece I recently lost my job and the thing I'm having a problem with is my bills okay it's gotten to the point where I physically come home take my bill and I have a brown basket that sits on the dresser and literally turn it the other way so you can't see who it is and I write in the basket and I just keep it moving that's just I can't deal with the bills I just can't and so when you see those bills you know intellectually I gotta open them right yes you know intellectually you got to face it and so when I talk about this five-second gap between what you know you need to do and then all the emotions that come creeping in that stop you from doing it this is the five seconds that defines your life and this is why I say or you feel the weight of it and that's why I say your one decision away from the life that you want and it comes down to just three words in that moment when you know what you need to do and you feel the heaviness and you feel yourself starting to give up will you change [Applause] [Applause] coming up next is that what you lost in your marriage the ability to trust yourself yes I do and later about Robins thank you thank you oh my god do you hold a grudge why are you so angry I'm actually annoyed to be here we're all friends can do to forgive and move on speak up do you have something you want to say [Applause] I'm on a mission to help you get the life you deserve and I'm teaching you how to use the five-second rule today it's the secret to facing your fears and beating the self-doubt that's keeping you stuck and the rule is simple and it works every single time you use it so Lori why don't you tell me what's got you stuck well what's got me stuck is nine years ago my ex-husband had an affair he left the family that sent me into a spiral of emotions I was left to raise two kids by myself I have this amazing job where I get to coach and develop kids into greatness so I'm a student engagement coach and also work with the parents so I'm speaking life into everyone else but then I go home in my garage and behind this infectious smile and this big bubbly personality I cry I yeah I do in your garage oh yeah that's like my safe place you know my car I close the window media closes when you pull in I pull in I turn everything off I have my Zen moment and I just cry I just release it because people would never know that there's big personality is really alone well you're not alone [Applause] what is one thing that you know intellectually that you need to be doing mm-hmm I see you smiling yes that you're avoiding doing putting myself back out in the dating world I'm tired of being away because you are an excellent example of the trap we all get stuck in yes you know what you need to do right but you avoid it yes so I want to go to the white board here I love teaching so let's go and you're also a teacher so first of all I just have to say given that you're wearing leather pants and cheetah heels and this is the other thing on the outside it's easy to look at somebody and see positivity and confidence right but if the inside game mm-hmm is something you're not winning right you're not gonna get what you deserve right so I want you to write down write down on our whiteboard what are all the things mm-hmm that are keeping you from putting yourself out there okay go ahead yeah okay okay you're afraid somebody's gonna cheat on you mm-hmm read this to me cheating anxiety fear am i enough so what do you do am I gonna be able to give another person my aw I don't trust myself in that is that what you lost in your marriage the ability to trust yourself yes I did okay helplessness mm-hmm loneliness what else stops you you think about put on a dating profile I did I do have okay you do have somebody calls you cuz I bet they do it especially with those leather pants somebody calls you what do you feel disconnected yeah I feel disconnected I avoid avoidance I make excuses they're too short or it's not gonna work or they're too busy to do is ghost what do you feel when you see this I feel like wow I have a lot of baggage that I thought I worked through it when I see this I still and she was saying no because I was carrying my bag with me she's like you're carrying your baggage and I didn't think of it like that cuz I carry a lot of bags and I didn't know it was all within me yes you see I like to make things visual yeah me too cuz we can talk about all this stuff but when you see it when you put words to things it's so much easier to see what you're dealing with yeah and so I love the the baggage thing because if we're gonna take a trip right let's check the baggage okay we don't want any carry-on okay so here's the other thing I want to show you okay so this is the moment right here so some gentleman that fits your criteria okay reaches out uh-huh and asks you to go out on a date okay and then what happens is you start thinking about whether or not you're gonna respond great we all have a habit of hesitating and then over thinking over thinking and in this gap which is literally five seconds long from the moment when he says hey I'd like to take you out okay your brain starts thinking about it right and within five seconds you're like II I make an excuse yes yes so there's two ways that I want you to use the five-second rule number one the next time somebody reaches out to you you're gonna count backwards and I know you're teacher so I want to make sure that that you understand that there's some some research behind this the five-second rule is a form of what we call metacognition that's just a fancy word that means brain trick you see anything that you repeat over time it becomes a pattern in your mind and those patterns get stored in the red part of your brain that's up on this graphic and your brain memorizes the pattern what the five-second rule does is it acts as a starting ritual to interrupt all of these crappy thoughts okay all of these things that you may feel but they're not true and by the time you get to one you've activated your prefrontal cortex the part of your brain that requires focus because when you count backwards let's do it together five four three two one you have to focus yeah you're not really thinking about anything else and so you've literally just switched gears in your mind and so what I'm gonna teach you to do is every time somebody reaches out to you and you go like if they hit your criteria you're going out five four three two one you're saying I'm over the money you do have a full life I do but there's something I have to tell you loneliness is the big theme mm-hmm but no person is gonna fill that hole right and so what I also want you to do is yes you've got a big job and yes you're putting it out there for these kids and yes you're the most amazing performance coach there ever was but we got to figure out what could you be doing to make you happy and engaged and connected in your own life now without some dude mm-hmm so what is one thing oh I do it now okay what is it I do a lot of community service okay I do a lot of work for foundation okay what about hanging out with your girlfriends like could we turn your Oh see I just saw a head yeah I do I mean I haven't okay I do a lot of fun things okay it's just that I sometimes I want someone to share it with you know like when you have I have an amazing life like if you look at my ig is colorful but it's not like what it's um hold on but I will land on your Instagram I live up here right and that's my you pull into that garage okay and you have your moment and you feel the surge coming yes you get to choose what you feel and think about you're gonna go 5 4 3 2 1 to interrupt the tears okay cuz that's the past okay you don't need to be sad we're looking ahead okay and then I want you to look around that garage and I want you to go okay how do I turn this into my she shed when we come back it's the number one way most people use the five-second rule find out what it is when we come back [Applause] later a powerful moment I didn't see coming Mel Robbins you saved my life today ha what waiting for a sign what you're sending out into the world to change my life and changers – what are you waiting for you these glasses right here I wear these not only because I'm 50 and I'm half blind but I also wear them to remind you that I see you and I see that you have dreams and you need to have a vision for yourself in your life – and these sneakers right here why do I wear sneakers well they're comfortable but I also wear them to remind you that you just need to take the step now the five-second rule is used a million ways but one of the most important ways people use it is to transform their health people count backwards from 5 to 5 4 3 2 1 call the doctor face the scale get that breast exam and to change their habits to healthier habits now Ellen is here because she is facing a health crisis so Ellen can you tell me what's going on well Mel I need to lose weight and I've been trying for 20 years without success I have tried every diet there is possible I've had surgery that didn't work and I hate to admit this on television because I don't tell people my weight but I'm 250 and I need to be like 170 to be healthy so how does it feel to have just said the number that you don't tell people surreal but I'm hoping it'll make me accountable so describe for me where you are right now in your life I feel like people are judging me but more important I'm judging myself every time I look in the mirror I'm 45 and single and I want to be independent I don't want to have chronic health problems or issues I want to be able to take care of myself I don't want that for you either and I want you to take control of this you know and I'm humbled by the amount of people who have reached out to me to transform their health and there's somebody in particular that I have never forgotten and her name is Amanda I struggled with my weight my entire life at 12 I was buying diet pills and by 42 I weighed 240 pounds and I didn't leave my house for years and fear of being judged I continued to turn to food I was miserable ashamed completely depressed but then I found out about Mel and the five-second role online and it changed everything I left my house for the first time in two years to buy her book going out and buying that book was the decision that completely changed my life I changed my diet I started running it was just one five-second decision at a time the person that I used to be was hiding and shamed hoping to be invisible the person that I am today is free healthy and thriving I can't ever think [Applause] but I wanted you to meet her and she has come here today to talk to us so Amanda please come on out [Applause] Amandla say hello to Ellen's nice to meet you let's start with your story because it's important for Ellen to hear what you went through what you were struggling with and how you use the five-second role to do it so how much weight have you lost a total of 110 pounds can you describe for Ellen what life was like before you started using the five-second rule I know I was huge I wore a size 4 4x shirt and 26 pants I never left my house I always felt like I was being judged by everyone you hate yourself you hate your life you can't be there for anybody and you just feel broken and that's what my life was Alan do you feel that any of that resonates with you I do when you said that you hate your life and you just felt broken you may feel broken but my belief is that no human being is broken we have patterns of behavior and patterns transformative because it can help you interrupt both patterns of thinking and patterns of behavior that aren't working for you so can you give us some specific examples Amanda about how you use the five-second rule to interrupt the patterns that were sabotaging you and to create new ones well it was the first morning after you know I read the book and it was you know 5 4 3 2 1 get out of bed you know 5 4 3 2 1 get out the door and then you know day 2 comes around and you're just like oh I don't want to do this my body's sore I was like I've got to remember this and I jumped out of my bed and I remember running over to my desk and I grabbed a purple sharpie and I wrote 5 4 3 2 one on my arm because I was not going to forget it again and I never did and it helped me completely transform everything I [Applause] yes so Ellen this is just the beginning Amanda has come here because she's now going to be part of the cheerleading squad that is going to be cheering you on I want the two of you to connect I'm going to have you talk backstage and support one another okay because there are simple ways that you can be using the five-second rule to tell yourself that you deserve to feel healthy to make the small changes that will start to build momentum and that will absolutely start to change your life and for everyone watching I want to hear from you tell me on social media how you're using the five-second rule so we can all support you too and when we come back it's maybe the most meaningful way the five-second rule is saving lives coming up next if Patrick were looking down what do you think he would say about how you're living your life right now I'd like to just think that he's happy to know that you know you still loved by everybody his family we don't we don't forget him at all and later it's time to stop hitting the snooze button in your life what is it that makes you not just be able to push through this all this week why are you so angry because I don't feel like this is how friends deal with things it's the ultimate betrayal or you're stubborn this I call grudge meant what are you waiting for I'm waiting for the heavens to open up and say like go so I want to give you a super-powerful back he missed out on my daughter's graduation I went on the cruise I'm looking out for me now what are you running from I didn't see this coming I couldn't say look why don't you open your pills if I don't see it it's not there put numbers on the bill I came up with the five-second rule never in a million years that I think something so simple would have the power to save lives in January of 2016 I received a message that a man named Steve Montgomery had used the five-second rule to stop himself from committing suicide that was the first and since then very similar messages keep rolling in now I speak openly about the son stages around the world and about how you can use the five-second rule to improve your mental health and one man came up to me after a speech and I'll never forget him I saw a male speak at a conference in DC in her speech she talked about a man named Steve who was struggling and he wanted to take his own life he was gonna jump off a ferry but he stopped and counted back five four three two one and in those five seconds he made the decision to live his story resonated with me because I just lost my brother Patrick who died by suicide then while Mel spoke I just kept thinking I wish Patrick had just taken five I was really overwhelmed and emotional but I became so connected to the speech and then I realized I needed the five-second rule in my own life I used to love running but then I had stopped I had gained a lot of weight grieving for the loss of my brother made a 5-second decision right then and there to start living again and live for a new purpose Steve say both his life that day in my Thank You Mel of course it's been a couple years since I've seen as it has yes so what was it about Steve's story that struck you that day well I was sitting there and listened to you talk and then he brought up this story about Steve you know just a man there was fixing to take his life by jumping off ferry hit close to home because just recently I lost my brother to suicide and all I kept thinking was what if he had heard about this to think that something simple as counting back five four three two one could have just changed somebody's life and it changed Steve's and just made me wonder what Patrick's still be here and how many more people will it affect and how many more people will it change well I mean it's one of the reasons why I'm on such a mission to share this because I've seen the impact and I know that you were inspired to do something with this amazing tattoo here yes yes so it started out as a simple ribbon memorial to Patrick for me and my wife were out at a store one day and we were checking out in this young lady and she starts crying she starts looking at me she goes I love you tattoos I said well thank us it's memorial sleeve to my brother that point tears just start falling down her eyes and she's like I just lost somebody two weeks ago I have so many people comment about the tattoos oh I love this I like that what is it and then that gives me my chance to break in and tell them about suicide prevention so if Patrick were looking down what she is what do you think he would say about how you're living your life right now I'd like to just think that he's happy to know that you know he's still loved by everybody in his family you know we don't we don't forget him at all I mean it was a tough you know I mentioned Steve and that was a story that connected you and me and this was the the tweet that Steve put up that he tagged me and so he tagged me on social media Mel Robbins you saved my life my life today ha I was on the point of committing suicide I was going to jump off a ferry five-second rule kicked in Thank You Robin [Applause] [Applause] Oh Steve I need to ask you how are you I'm fantastic James what's it like meeting him for the first time it's amazing it's amazing to the people that don't know anything about mental health this man is a true hero right here I mean what he's gone through to come back everybody you're a simple tweet that you put out there I think it's affected a lot more people than just me I really do I think a lot more people have seen that it's in the book I end every speech with it we have heard from nearly a hundred people who have stopped themselves from committing suicide by using the five-second rule and at all because you were at a moment where you were about to end your life the end is never the end until it's the end you know you can always move on I was in a real bad place I got to the point I'm up on the top deck on the Mersey Ferry and I'll go to the edge again trying to build up this courage I know in five second World Cup – five four three two one move take action movie from there today [Applause] I was diagnosed with low dopamine mm-hmm and add severe depression and I've made I've lost 70 pounds in weights wow-whee I was borderline diabetic I had a problem in my heart I took action you don't take action it's never gonna work that's right you know that's why it's so powerful because we can talk about what you need to do but the five-second rule gives you a tool to push yourself in the moment to have the courage to do what you need to do I am so grateful that you are here next you know I want to be there and I want to reach out there's only one solution to this problem only one [Applause] [Applause] welcome back we're talking about all the ways the five-second rule is used to transform people's lives and to me the most profound use of the rule is to find your courage the courage to listen to your intuition and to act on what it's telling you and the most courageous way you can use it is to have the courage to say what needs to be said the courage to say I love you the courage to say I'm sorry and Jennifer is here because she's struggling to find her courage can you help me understand what you're currently struggling to find your courage to do yeah so I have a close friend or had a close friend of 17 years we met in middle school went to high school together went to college together we're roommates Wow and we had a falling out that wasn't great and so we haven't talked in a really long time it really hurt me what happened it was her birthday and she invited me to her party which we were taking a limo to to this event and basically I was on the way there she told me a certain time to be there and she called me up and just said you know where are you we had we have to leave and so going five minutes away and she's like well we have to leave and they left without me you know I I just felt really hurt gotcha had you ever expressed this to her I tried reaching out recently so on social media I just saw that she's getting married and I think that's really what brought up more feelings about it like I thought I was thinking of something right now yeah yes it bringing up I mean when you have a friend for so long you see a future together and you know I thought that I would be in the bridal party and I don't even know if I'm gonna be invited to the wedding and so is it hurts cos you know I I wanna be there and I want to reach out and I recently reached out and Senate you know I want to get together and and you know talk and stuff but she was going on a trip and we're like okay when you get back and it just it keeps happening that way where it just doesn't happen well first of all I hear hurt on the surface but what I actually hear is how much you miss and love her and though there's only one solution to this problem and it's to use the five-second rule and pick up the phone again and don't make the time to meet get her on the phone and actually say the words I miss you you know this hurt me and I'm sure I did things to hurt you and to have the conversation you know your story reminds me of a woman I met named Cassandra who was in your exact same situation so I asked her to come here today to help you make this call [Applause] all right the reason why Cassandra's here as Cassandra was on a audible audio book where I coached people and she had kick-ass exactly and she was estranged from her sister for how long we were pretty rocky for about 25 years because when I met you you were a stranger and part of the coaching was you got to find your courage and you got to stop telling the story your version yeah and you got to find the courage to pick up the phone and say I miss you what's going on with you so what has happened since you made that call so after our coaching session I literally walked out of the studio onto the sidewalk and he picked up the phone and I called my sister and she didn't answer but I left her a voice message we connected later that day how hard was it for you to make that call it was hard palm sweating heart beating the whole thing you know I hadn't talked to her had a good conversation with her in yours I'm gonna say something everybody that is in this studio audience and watching at home has one person they're thinking about right now we all do that one call that you need to make because you're carrying around regret like the plague and it takes 5 seconds to dial the phone so you call your sister and what struck you the most once you've connected that the reasons why I had been avoiding talking to her were all reasons that I made up in my head and she was going through some really difficult stuff on her end that I had no idea about that was preventing her from reaching out to me and I had no idea and Here I am judging her thinking she just doesn't want to see me to me what I hear the big thing here is you have a story about what happened and you have no idea what her story is and this is the disconnect and it's clearly causing you pain which is why you need to deal with it I am just asking you will you make this phone call when you walk off this set yes okay terrific that's all I'm asking you to do give up wow it's gonna go I just want you to try okay and I want you to leave with three words the same one will you try you [Applause] would you even know where to start well for a long time I didn't but I've come to realize that the first place you can start is to stop hitting the snooze on your life and so I asked my whole audience what are you hitting the snooze on in your life and let's start with Cheryl here what are you putting off right now okay first of all I have to tell you know I have been a fan of the five-second rule since before you wrote your book really yes really okay the five-second rule to remind me to use the five-second rule [Laughter] so here's the thing yes my sister and I my little sister although she's not really a little anymore she wasn't Trinidad it's been our dream forever to write a children's book amazing and so really inspired tried to write it yeah guy done okay second rule okay okay but there are two parts to a children's book you have to write the story and then you have to do the illustration so we wrote the story got to the illustration part found an illustrator we thought was great and then halfway through the book and lots of money later okay she left us she goes to this okay out of it and we been honestly well it's been three years and we've been a snoozing ever since I just don't know we're stuck you know exactly what you done you know exact in my shoe yeah no I do you think you don't do it is it the hurt that somebody left you are you angry like what is it that makes you not just be able to push through this and just find another illustrator I think it's it's it's anger okay that fear of having it happen again we spent quite a few dollars to get this done right and a lot of time okay so I'm gonna show you something right now okay this is why you got to go five four three two one and push through all that and all you have to do is put out a call on social media okay we're looking for an illustrator right well pay you when the job is done oh you know that kind of thing and so and and and if you don't want to pay we'll give you X percent of the profits right of the book you illustrate right okay right and here's the most important reason why you have a problem right now and one of my favorite things to say is if your problem can be solved with action you don't have a problem [Applause] second you put up the post you stick the anger in the rear view mirror so right what can I count on you to do I am going to get on social media to add a yes an aspirin illustrate awesome I love right relations you're welcome totally different life and if you want to stop hitting the snooze button on your life go right now to Mel Robbins show calm and download your FREE five second rule– cheat sheet to help you get started that's right I got you covered all right we'll be right back [Applause] on the next Mel do you hold a grudge why are you so angry I'm actually annoyed to be here we're all friends can do to forgive and move on speak up do you have something you want to say [Applause] I'm on a mission to help you unlock your power inside and get the life you've dreamed of and deserve and that starts right now and that's why I'm doing this show and this is what you can expect to see this season on the Mel Robin show you get the life you deserve there are millions of women that feel this way she's pissed off your ex has moved on you will never get out of debt when you choose different thoughts things start to change [Applause] people that follow me online in case nobody else has told you today let me be the one to tell you that I believe in you and I believe in your ability to change your life for the better and as you learned on today's show you are 5 4 3 2 one decision away from a totally different life and that's why I'm gonna be here five days a week cheering you on and reminding you that whatever it is that you're facing you got this I'll see you next time [Applause]
“The Mel Robbins Show” is officially launched!
In this episode, Mel introduces you the “The 5 Second Rule” and how it has changed lives around the world.
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